Navigating complex emotions in the aftermath of tragedy and violence
The aftermath of violent incidents can leave parents wondering how to navigate the complex emotions and difficult questions of their children. In the days and weeks after a traumatic event, a child’s disposition and behaviour may change. They may be concerned about safety and wonder if the world is still a good place for them. Sadness, nervousness and grief are all common reactions.
Ongoing exposures to violence can lead to what the National Scientific Council on the Developing Child describes as “toxic stress.” Like a disease attacking the immune system, toxic stress erodes resiliency and, without adequate relief, may cause enduring harm. It can translate into internalized mental health issues such as anxiety and depression, or externalized behaviours such as disobedience, aggression or relational hypersensitivity.
While we cannot avoid tragedies that affect our families and communities directly, “we can protect our children from information they cannot comprehend or digest – saving adult conversations for later and turning off televisions and radios in their presence,” says Susan Weber, Director of Sophia’s Hearth Family Center.
So, what can parents do to help their children hold their confidence and joy in the face of traumatic events? One of the first steps is a return to familiar routines. “I think of it as finding a new normal,” says Cathy Kennedy-Paine, a school psychologist and trauma specialist who also serves as co-chair of the National Association of School Psychologists’ National Emergency Assistance Team (NEAT). “Children will always have visions and flashbacks that can’t be erased,” she adds. “It’s a matter of learning how to integrate the experiences and return to being functional.”
*The above has been excerpted from the article, When Bad Things Happen on the website, teachingtolerance.org
How Do I Find and Create Goodness for My Children?
This article (download) also offers guidance for parents and tips for helping children deal with upsetting and disturbing news. Written in 2011 by Susan Weber, it is as relevant today as ever.
“Nothing brings stamina for life and daily well being to our children more directly and strongly than surrounding them and immersing them into an atmosphere of goodness and joy. For us as adults, the message they seek from us is this: ‘I am happy to be alive, I am interested in the world around me and I want to find a place for myself in it.'” – Susan Weber