“…As I walk through the universe in my sneakers.
It is time to say good-bye to my imaginary friends,
Time to turn the first big number.
It seems only yesterday I used to believe
There was nothing under my skin but light.
If you cut me I would shine.
But now when I fall upon the sidewalk of life,
I skin my knees, I bleed.”
– Billy Collins, On Turning Ten
The nine-year change
One of the most significant changes of childhood happens during the ninth year. Children enter a more conscious state as they realize their inner world is separate from the outer world. Along with newfound confidence and competence may come feelings of fear and disconnectedness. Children may internalize their fears, acting out in rudeness and defiance.
As parents, we are helping our children develop independence. Navigating this challenging time is a mix of structure and letting go.
Renee Owen says in her wonderful article, “The most important developmental landmark your children need to make at this age is learning how to solve their own problems. Be a beacon of light that they can always see, while letting them experience the discomfort of this change for themselves.”
As children come to understand the world and their place in it, many questions will arise. An open discussion and acceptance of their feelings encourages children to have a healthy curiosity about the world.
Here are some excellent resources for parenting through the nine year change:
The Nine-Year Change, Renee Owen
Parenting the Nine Year Old, Rahima Baldwin Dance
Paradise Lost: The Nine-Year Change
The Nine Year Change: Discovering Waldorf Education
The Essence of Grade Three, Catie Johnson